Xander Barnes, a beloved son, friend, and community member, has tragically passed away at the young age of 22. Xander, who was from Raleigh and originally from Selden, New York, died following an unexpected medical emergency that left friends, family, and the many communities he touched in deep mourning.
Xander’s vibrant spirit, sharp wit, and boundless compassion were the threads that held many people together. Whether you knew him as “Xan Man,” a dependable colleague at Walt Disney World, a dedicated volunteer at North Raleigh Arts and Creative Theatre (NRACT), or simply a kind soul who made you feel seen and safe — you knew that he was someone extraordinary.
A full-time support staff member and seater at Walt Disney World’s Liberty Tree Tavern, Xander had recently taken on the role of Relief Coordinator, a testament to his strong work ethic and leadership. He was also studying for his Associate of Arts at Valencia College, continuing his academic journey after time at Wake Technical Community College and Sanderson High School, where he majored in theatre — a lifelong passion.
Xander’s love for performing arts was matched only by his devotion to community. At NRACT, where he grew up and volunteered tirelessly, Xander was the very first recipient of the Elizabeth Grimes-Droessler Volunteer Award. The term “Xanderized” became legendary at the theatre — a loving nod to his unparalleled commitment to keeping the space clean, organized, and welcoming for all. “He was everyone’s go-to person,” shared teacher and friend Alex Matsuo. “He was steady. He was family.”
His life’s resume is a reflection of his diverse passions and quiet impact. He previously worked at Big Ed’s Restaurants and served as an intern in the Disney College Program. He was also a teacher assistant and facilitator at NRACT, forming deep bonds with students and staff alike. From North Ridge Elementary to West Millbrook Middle School to Jesse O. Sanderson High, Xander left an unforgettable mark everywhere he went.
His passing has sent shockwaves across multiple circles. “If you knew Xander Barnes, you know what a light he was. And if you didn’t… just know the world is dimmer without him in it,” said Alex Matsuo in an emotional tribute. Teddy Durgin, another close family friend, added, “You don’t sum up a life like Xander’s in a Facebook post, or even a eulogy. He was creative, funny, emotional — and an exceptional young man. He danced like no one was watching.”
Xander is survived by his loving parents, Thomas and Jennifer Barnes; his sister, Victoria J. Barnes; and a host of extended family members including Gayle Walters Rolf, Denise Rolf-Fatigati, Anthony Woest, Bubba, and Jessica — all of whom are surrounded by the community’s love and support during this painful time.
To his NRACT family, Disney family, and everyone who had the joy of knowing him, Xander was more than a friend — he was family. His goodness, humor, and humble strength made the world better. Now, it feels a little less bright.
Rest easy, Xander. We will love you always.